Its nearly 12 months since I first met Sabrina.
She moved into my home and went on the Gerson protocol to try and heal her disease. Diagnosis stage 4 ovarian cancer.
She had been through 2 rounds of chemo, radiation and 2 operations along with weeks in the local asylum due to a reaction to steroids.
This culminated on her being on 2 anti depressants, 1 anti psychotic and a tranquilizer when she arrived to stay with me.
You can never come off this medication she was told.
6 weeks later she was off all meds.
Not something we recommend to everyone, but she felt she could and she did.
She listened to her intuition.
During this time she learned a lot about her body, mind and soul and started to feel better than she had for years.
Her candida level was through the roof and she got that under control in weeks too.
In January she went to the Budwig Centre in Spain and changed her protocol.
She loved the medical staff there, they were super supportive and said she was presenting more like a stage 1 than a stage 4.
On her return from there the "swing" of hope between "you can heal" and "you cannot heal" really started.
Yes you can.
No you cannot.
Holistic versus Allopathic, as if it is a competition.
2 diametrically opposing points of view, both delivered with equal certainty.
You can heal.
You are dying.
I teach all my client to come out of victim mode and stand in their power.
To take full responsibility for their choices so that blame is not part of your dialogue, thought field or emotional response, because it is completely unhelpful.
Unfortunately, even today, our choices can be limited and made for us due to our financial situation and the fear of being broke in the future due to not being able to work or contribute.
So why go to a place where they insist on telling you to accept you are dying, even when you have categorically told them not too?
Why go to a place that quite literally terrifies the living daylights out of you?
Her belly was swelling and retaining fluid which caused her intense discomfort and pain.
To get it drained in a private hospital was over 1 thousand euros. In the NHS hospital it is free, which sadly, is a huge determining factor for most of us.
The allopathic opinion is that she is terminal, ie no hope of a cure.
The holistic opinion is that she can heal, but she has to follow the protocol. This is not as easy as it seems.
Who do you believe?
For the last 9 months it has been an emotional roller coaster.
On a daily basis I have tried to keep her spirits up, release the fear of the allopathic opinion and the force of their might and apparent desire to be right.
Its a huge wave that overwhelms and brings her under, and I have thought often, is she strong enough to believe her way out of their heavy oppression?
I have an innate fury at the fear in our current system having watched loved ones die in it for years.
I don't blame the Doctors and nurses, but know that Big Pharma, one of the richest companies in the world does not always have our best interests at heart.
And our reluctance to open our eyes to the latest, cutting edge science which clearly teaches us about epigenetics and the incredible power of belief to change our chemistry, biology and electro magnetic body.
The power of our mind is completely ignored in Western medicine and is actually used against us, telling us we are powerless, when nothing could be further from the truth.
I know, like many others that we can heal ourcellves.
Not everyone will heal, for now we are still trying to unravel why some do and some do not.
We cannot measure as yet, someones innate faith and compliance to the programme in terms of beliefs, perceptions, limitations, subconscious traumas, inherited or created, and the force of their intentions.
And this is where it all starts and ends.
Its not a belief it's a knowing, Kelly Turners brilliant book "Radical Remissions".clears that up with no doubt.
Healing is a potential in the Field, a possibility for all of us, no matter what the so called experts say.
Documented cases of people who were sent home to die and chose not to.
Why is this not being brought into our hospitals?
What about the power of others beliefs can stop you from healing and can actually kill you.
That may sound dramatic, but we know it to be.
Taking away all hope kills.
Lack of support kills.
It is totally mental and we will be appalled at how we aquiesced, giving away our power, in the future.
Sabrina has been verbally abused by well meaning medics and continuously bullied to "face reality" that she is dying and cannot heal herself.
Even if that was true, which it is not, I still question the morale ethics of pushing this one sided, outdated, untrue version of reality down someones throat, especially when you have specifically asked them not to.
Treat the fluid in the belly she asked, but please do not tell me I am dying.
This was totally ignored, and even writing this makes me fume, I have to release and accept this system the way it is.
Dr Bruce Lipton & Dr Joe Dispenza to name only 2 of the most advanced scientists on the Planet have proven categorically that our beliefs, words, perceptions, emotions and actions impact our health.
That we manipulate genetic expression with all of the above. That we are "above" the genes, epigenetics. That we are electro magnetic beings as well and chemical and biological beings.
That we can literally "tune in" to different data streams via the brain waves and heart coherence, to an unseen intelligence that knows how our cells should be arranged.
That healings can take place in real time when the internal and external enviroments are aligned.
This is a game changer.
Yet we are still telling people they are going to die. Destroying their hope.
But the big question here is, are people dying because the Doctors and telling them they are going to?
The nocebo effect. Hexing. Black Magic?
Does anyone on this Planet have the right to tell you when they believe you are going to die? Is this playing God in the most hideous way?
When science clearly tells us that our beliefs create our biology.
There maybe no drug to heal the cancer, but there are plenty of other ways you can enhance and enrich your health and happiness and most of them are not available on the NHS.
Just for today can we allow love to flow no matter what we think we see in a test or scan.
Do we need to use fear to force our ideas and beliefs on others, that might decimate their lives and that of their families and friends?
None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, not one single one of us.
What does success mean in terms of healing?
An extra day? Week? Year? Decade?
Who gets to decide?
Should we be giving treatments that cause suffering when they are non curative, and should patients and staff be fully educated on all the new science and different protocols that people who have defied the odds used?
This closed system needs to be opened up, we need to share all the possible treatments and give people every possible chance to learn about their bodies and lives.
We need to break free of the stranglehold and business that keeps us stuck in the past.
Sorry I digress, Sabrina.
I flew over to visit her beginning of July. Her dad picked me up at the airport so we went straight there.
She started a plant based treatment 2 weeks before and had been sleeping a lot.
She was lying on the sofa and was clearly very fatigued. I sat with her, did some hands on healing, then left her sleeping while her dad and I went for a swim.
When I returned 3 days later it was more of the same, she was totally out of it, and struggled to stay awake even for a few minutes to talk to me.
She was thin, but that is not always a bad thing, she had no appetite, but was getting constantly nagged to eat, which was doing her head in.
Again I just did some hands on healing,and wondered if there was any way she was ever going to come back from this.
But for some reason I just felt everything was ok, I prayed, released and asked for clear guidance on being the best help I could be for her higher good.
I felt so much for her dad, he is amazingly positive but of course was having black thoughts of what might be.
The day before I left I went back over not expecting anything, just wanting to sit with her, pray and ask and listen and see.
She looked completely different. She had not taken the oil that morning, so was not in that coma like state. She was alert and pleased to see me, like she just truly realised that I was there.
She has a drain in her belly that she can use herself, this saves her going back to hospital and into the fear. This is common with ovarian cancer. She was still draining a lot of fluid off, but even when her belly went down she was still getting beaten by the pain.
To her the pain was a definite sign of dying, and no matter how much we released on that belief, she was still holding on to it.
I opened a short book that my friend Brenda Campbell a cancer survivor has written and given to me to take over. I read it to her and we laughed as she agreed with everything on the list that she was trying to control.
Part of healing for a lot of us is letting go of wanting control.
Then we went to the beach, me Sab and her dad.
Sab and I hung out in the Med, one of our fave things to do.
We chatted and ruminated, she talked about dying and getting her will sorted, she had been in so much pain and was so fed up of being in bed that the best way out seem to be death.
I was still not so sure, but had to visit that possibility that she seemed hell bent on.
In the sun and sea she relaxed and said she felt better than she had for weeks.
I treasured that time wondering if I would see her again.
Just for today, everything was perfect, for me at least.
She seemed to have given up all hope and was accepting what the doctors had told her would happen. They had given her 2 months.
That was about 4 months ago.
I left, still with a strong feeling she could do it, and releasing all my fear around the story.
We have an ongoing joke about her being a big baby when things, and the body does not go her way. When she plays the victim. And when she rises back up I call her Sabrina Latina, this is the feisty, strong, determined, funny girl that I know.
I know both, we all have these sides, but it makes me sad when she is sad, so I try to bring out Latina, the courageous rule breaker and survivor.
She has already outlived her prognosis by miles. She has already succeeded in so many ways, she is a much wiser and emotionally intelligent, self aware person now, she has worked on herself relentlessly, going through a mammoth set of ups and downs, a story that is beyond incredible and God know where it will take us.
She was much brighter when I left, and then a bit sad after.
But she seemed to turn a bit of an attitude and perception corner.
My friend Ilenya who is an access consciousness expert had also done some intense work with her, asking her to choose what she truly wanted, life or death.
Then there was the plant based oil, helping her to sleep, calming her mind, assisting in pain control, then there was the sun and the sea.
What if any or all of these things helped her?
I messaged her on tuesday the way I do every morning asking how she was and the first word came back, "great"!. My heart sang, she had not felt like that for months.
She had her hair cut short and dyed purple. She had organised to rent a mobility scooter as she does not have enough energy for the heat and crowds.
She had the hospis nurses over and they had given her great advice and a day out which was a brilliant distraction.
Her cousins were coming from Oz and it was her precious feast.
She is like a different person.
Her mindset, perceptions, attitude has totally changed.
She has dipped down occasionally, but we catch a hold of it and I make her laugh by getting her tapping on being a big baby.
The pain is still present, seems to be worse at sunrise and sunset, but she is dealing with it now and not making a black story up about it.
There has only been 200mls of fluid from her belly in over 2 weeks, this is indeed a miracle.
But most importantly of all she is happier, she has dreams and she has hope.
Just for today.
That's all any of us can wish for.
Then the pain got worse again, bringing in more panic.
A trip to Gozo, total change of enviroment and she is back on it.
Then the pain comes back, the mind kicks in again and the rollercoaster continues, but she is handling the mind way better now and knows what she has to do.
Please send all your love and prayers her way.