Not an easy mission it turns out, haha or is that bo-hoo.
WFT did I sign up to? An out the blue opportunity to go away and spend 3 months to see if I could be better, healthier. ‘Heal yourself! Let go of the old patterns of pain and dramas.
A 3 month intensive healing retreat deep in the heart of Scotland’s ancient Kilmartin Glen Lands. A pilot programme opportunity using all my fav writers, scientists, nutritionists, speakers, innovators, in their specific fields for well over twenty years and here was an opportunity to steep in it and see if after 40 years of working on myself I could at last make a breakthrough. Possibly at age 63 the last change by hearing those influenced by my favs!
I feel I’ve been stuck for many years after reading all, researching this, trying that and the other new ways of healing, being, releasing and although many helped and I trained and practiced a few therapies, I stopped since my second son was born and other physical and emotional infringements gathered momentum. I feel I gave up on any real change from where I was and really had consigned myself to old age and limiting mobility, no money for eating out, treats and holidays. Being on benefits was the way it was and is.
So after a message of an opportunity to go and 4/5 days to get ready/cancel all I was doing. Volunteering at Galgael Glasgow and local hospice charity shop, plus my constant sanity of Philosophy Class once a week for past 6/7 years. All had to be dropped to go.
What can I say now we’re 7 weeks, nearly 8 weeks in, apart from ‘This is not an easy mission’, this taking responsibility for our thoughts, words and actions. This being accountable to our own soul for the trickery and distractions we used to justify and validate our perceptions, our reality. How we will fight and kick, huff and puff to hold it tight. How we think we’re sorted and it’s everyone else that has the problems. Our ‘this is just the way I am and nothing much can change that’ or the only if something or somebody will change and everything will be better. What a crock of shit that has turned out to be for not just me but for most of us.
This experience has been intense, amazing, magical, exasperating, hurtful, a bloody nightmare, a beautiful sacred blessing, a Test to the core, a synchronistic, timeless journey that words can’t really express and the knee jerks of living with others are bloody incredible reflections.
If I’d known the extent of buttons it would press I most probably would have said No but then again there’s a strong part of me that’s aware of the world’s dramas and my own and know it’s now time for all of it to be brought out to be addressed and healed.
My history is one of trauma and retreating away to concentrate on bring up my second son as a single parent again and now he’s sailing happily along it’s been time for me to dig down these past few years. So now we’re half way into Heal Scotland Helpyourcell and I’ve not ran away (been very near it many times though) but I have to finish and focus these last 4 weeks on finding my willpower and discipline to leave here with the knowledge needed to make real changes through integrating what we know to be an absolute truth now. That we can alter how we think, feel and act out in our reality. I knew but couldn’t do it by myself it seems. We need support and community back for sure. I’ve know for many years we are infinite and consciousness having our different dimensional experiences and science proves without doubt now that’s trust, but putting it into practice is a different story when our reality is set up to prove the exact opposite (but that’s a different story indeed).
Can I go from this experience with more confidence, strength, compassion, understanding, less stress, clearer mind, more control and less pain, fatigue and discomfort. YES for sure is the answer because I’m already experiencing all of this. Can I make major life changes knowing what I’m integrating and know from scarcity and exclusion, from no real self worth or idea of why I’m here? ‘Yes’ because I already see my worth for the first time in my life.
I’m open minded but although still can’t hold a vision of my magnificence and my creative potential, I’m willing to trust it’s showing it’s face. My face that craves more light now. Who knows really but something is shifting for sure, ‘I feel it in me Water’.
So many stories, so much pain and hurt in our Beautiful Scotland (and everywhere) and yes it’s crucial to be heard but even more so it’s crucial to ditch the repeated patterns of pain, sadness, grief, anger, regret, it onlys and it’s ifs, buts and maybes, from identifying our reality. We are so much more than our PAINS and we have forgot who we really are inside. Ancient Sacred Beings waking up now. Who knows what will happen when we finish here but all I know right now is Lilia Sinclair is one helluva woman and her patience, love, trust, vision and unending focus is astounding to behold and an absolute opportunity and I with all my heart and soul hope she is proven right. ‘We can Heal’ and Scotland could be one glorious inspiration for the rest of the world.
If it can happen with us apathetic but brilliant Scots it can happen anywhere.
Thank you Lilia and Hilary for your support and kindness. I can only hope and trust at the end of this I can live and be the best version of me and help others to ripple it out so that all your incredible hard work can be put into practice.
PS At home my shed is my sanctuary and my compromise here is to have my car here in place of my shed. That’s where I go to have my one joint (small) and listen to my audio book (plus the view without midgies). My me time has been essential for my Scottish compromises of keeping it real and human.
I came across a FB live that Lilia did to promote the Heal Scotland idea in November 2018. I was really taken by her enthusiasm for all the types of protocols that I was already using on my own to help deal with my symptoms of CFS/ME (diagnosed 1991). I knew doctors were not the answer, or any kind of answer for me. I contacted Lilia because I was interested in seeing how I could be involved from an ‘offering help’ point of view and also ‘what am I missing?’.
After decades of ups and downs, slight remissions where I could work or study and had my family, I was at a place of knowing that I was doing a lot of the right things. Yet my energy levels were so low that I didn’t get out of bed from January to March 2019. My aches and pains could no longer be tolerated. However, in myself, I felt like I was in a place of great self understanding after a year of quite intense energy work, regression and work on my ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). I had found out that my very ‘normal’ upbringing, with no big TRAUMA had actually felt continually unsafe and traumatic from the viewpoint of a 1/2/3/4/5 year old. These patterns of coping set up in my brain at these early stages were a huge part of what was stopping me healing.
I did the taster session of the Wim Hof Method at Loch Lomond on 23 March 2019. It was a fundraiser for Heal Scotland opening weekend. I had a pretty exhiliarting experience but was not 100% convinced it would help me given that I had been practically bed bound, I decided to give it a go anyway. What did I have to lose? For the next week or so I did the breathing and started working up my cold shower time. I even went into the sea twice while at a very chilly Isle of Skye.
I did find it difficult at this point. I was having strong detox reactions and I knew I needed to get back to clean eating and keep up my daily meditations but I was struggling on my own.
I was watching the Heal Scotland pilot group on FaceBook and I knew what I needed most was the support of a community who were on the same track as me. So I contacted Lilia again and she agreed that I could come to stay for the 10 days that I wanted.
My first few days at Barmolloch were interesting. It was a very varied group and everyone had their own issues. However, this was not the focus. These were our old ‘stories’ and we were ready to write new ones! (I was anyway! With Lilia’s help).
I had also missed the part about the scheme where each person had to help out on the organic farm. This terrified me! I had been unable to do anything much at all since the beginning of the year and PEM (post exercisonal malaise) is the hardest symptom of CFS/ME to avoid because it is hard to tell that you are doing too much until after the fact. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do anything and, worse, that I wouldn’t be able to judge my limitsand do too much. This proved to be a very big learning experience for me, starting out, not being able to say ‘no’ or ‘I’ve done enough’ and causing myself to crash out for hours at a time. By the end of the 10 days I had worked that participating at the pace my body was able to rather than pushing hard to get things done was the way to go and stopping when I needed to and not pushing until the job was done. I also learned that I love planting things, cleaning out a chicken coop is horrible but bearable and collecting your own eggs is totally amazing.
The breathing and cold water got easier every day. The vegan diet was tasty and nutritious. We had various sound based therapists share their skills with us. I found I had a better voice than I thought. Even though I am still far from being a singer, the noise in a group setting is beautiful and the freedom of making noise on your own is releasing. OM!! I picked up various other useful tools. I go to bed by 10pm and up by 6am, avoiding unnatural light sources and my sleep in generally improving. I got advise on making changes to the supplements I was using and we learned lots of relaxation and releasing techniques.
I kept up a good regime when I got home and a few weeks later I had lost 5kg, managing to drive myself for my daily dook, went to the supermarket on my own and now I can drive longer distances and have a couple of hours in the day where I am actually OK!
I still have a long way to go! I noticed that if I slip out of routine or miss the cold water then my pain and fatigue gets much worse. So I decided that I will just do it every day.
It really has taken doing everything, every day to get this far and this has been done from a place of peace and compassion. Pushing is not the way for me to heal.
I am enough. I accept myself 100%. I am a peace-centred warrior!
Thank you Lilia, Hilary, Helen, Stewart and all the other amazing contributors.
Up a long and winding glen, in the wilds of Argyll, where few people ever venture, an experiment is taking place. It’s a human experiment – a band of courageous beings have come together on a biodynamic farm for 12 weeks to see if it is possible to heal themselves (spoiler alert – it is possible!). With just the help of one truly phenomenal woman who has a vision for a healed Scotland (and beyond) – Lilia Letigo Sinclair and a beautiful couple – Helen and Stewart Wright - who have created and hold the a truly magical space for our healing to take place.
We’re almost 8 weeks in and it’s been an interesting journey so far. For me it’s been a bit like a cross between Groundhog Day and Big Brother. Each day there are new insights into how we can become better, healthier and happier human beings. We have cameras (look out for the documentary), we are living together in confined spaces, cut off for the most part from goings on in the outside world. We are learning how it is possible to heal ourselves from a number of different illnesses and diseases. We’ve discovered the magic of letting go, though some of us are still holding on. We’ve endured cold water immersion, some of us daily, some of us less so. We’ve seen improvements in each other and ourselves. We’ve been told that unless we feel in a headspace where we can make love to the soil, we shouldn’t be working on the land. We’ve let go of our need for technology, some more than others. We’re seeing the power of gratitude, of being thankful for this truly amazing opportunity. We’re raising our frequency to a higher level and moving into a space of acceptance and peace. We’re humming our way to a higher vibration, singing from our souls and evolving away from a world that no longer serves us to a world of possibilities and magic. We’re rediscovering so many things that we’d forgotten, reconnecting with what’s important, disconnecting from what we used to think was important and realizing that we are woven right through the fabric of the universe just as it is woven through us.
It’s a slow, gradual process. The days pass slowly yet the weeks are whizzing by. I often wonder where I will go, what I will do, who will I become when my time here is done but for now I’m living in the moment, enjoying the sunshine, fresh air and biodynamic veggies. I’m also loving learning more about myself and my place in this world, how my thoughts impact every aspect of my being, how other people and their shit are the best teachers in recognizing what I need to heal, showing me what I need to look at inside myself. Healing is not an easy process, nor is it linear, it can be messy and is often uncomfortable, sometimes very uncomfortable. Be prepared to have tears and snot running down your face or find yourself yelling at someone out of nowhere. Then when you think you’ve made headway and you’re feeling better - wham, something else pops up which sends you staggering 10 feet backwards - but there is a wisdom in the backwards steps that we would never discover if we didn’t experience the pain.
There is magic in healing and discovering the inner world of ourselves that we’ve ignored, suppressed and been fearful of for so long. It is hard looking at parts of ourselves that are difficult to look at, having conversations we don’t want to have, being truthful when it would be easier to lie, but once you let go and get a taste of the bliss on the other side of the pain, you wonder why you didn’t just let go years ago. It also gets easier to work through your shit when it comes up next time round, and it will keep coming up, we can’t escape it, it’s part of the deal of being human, but our experience here in the wilds of Scotland is putting us in a good position to deal better with it when it does happens!
I think we are underestimating the power of what we are doing here, it’s a gradual process and often I don’t recognize that I have changed until I’m in a similar situation where previously I would have reacted from a place of anger or fear and now, automatically, I’m reacting from a place of love or acceptance. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t come from this space every time, but I’m getting better at not getting upset or angry with other people’s actions and becoming much more aware of the impact that my words, actions, moods and emotions may have on both myself and others.
I feel truly blessed to be part of this ‘experiment’, to be spending time with amazing people in a beautiful location and very excited to see where this vision takes us once the 12 weeks are over.
Heal Scotland, Barmolloch, Kilmichael Glen
I came to the Saturday taster and again on Sunday taster. Two days that began the rest of my life, I have been coming to Heal Scotland seven days a week for seven weeks ever since with five more weeks to go.
I had just moved to Cairnbaan, Lochgilphead for my health. Enjoying slower pace, the canal yards from my door, life had taken a very different turn.
Never did I dream or think in a few short months it would turn around completely as I embraced Lilia Letigo Sinclair’s Heal Scotland – 12 weeks immersed in wonderful therapies, Lilia’s vegetarian, detoxing diet, Wim Hof Breathing technique, rewiring the brain, ???? profound deep meditations challenging out of date beliefs I held. Could I let go? For my health’s sake I had to! Questionning issues held. Could I let go?
Questionning choices, small choices, big choices, choices so powerful was I terrified to make a decision? I was overwhelmed? Lilia had techniques, choice of words, the right words – blame – no longer serves; deserve this? – is that true? Entitled to? Lilia had other techniques.
Instead I could choose to reset my circadian clock, getting up after a good nights sleep and bless the day. This day of my life nothing will ever come agin! A brand new day every day.
The big choice is ‘letting go’, allowing healing energy in empowering myself to be the best I could be. How could I resist?
The best me I can be?
To fulfill the prophecy I join the Heal Scotland movement every morning at 7.00am.
7.00 – 8.30am Wim Hof power breating
Then some go in the river beside the farm. I have been immersed several times but plan more.
Fresh juices made by Lilia
10 – 12 On the land giving back to Stewart and Helen Wright who so generously have made the farm available to us.
Lunch of Lilia’s soup, usually two soups. We’re greedy, certainly I am.
6.00pm Wonderful vegetarian detoxing food. I have magically with my greed lost almost 15lbs. Sometimes we have videos or meditations on different healing techniques in the evenings.
I am totally committed to this wonder gift that Lilia has brought to our group and though not a joiner of groups I can’t believe my luck at finding and being included in this miracle occurring daily.
We are certainly an interesting mix of people but there are techniques for that too